Spring Cleaning

I lost my job last Friday. My company, Leonie shut down the Hollywood Office that day and I've been out of work ever since. I saw the signs - they moved my supervisor out of the office and into Corporate, changing her job title and responsibilities...she was sort of the glue that held the office together and gave some merit for our existence (since the owner who works out of our office is never even in the country, let alone the office). I intercepted a fax requesting the building owners change the name on the sign outside our office and that's when I knew we were finished. Sure enough, a few days later the lead accountant shows up informing me that they're shutting down my office and that I have 3 days to pack up. So I'm officially jobless now. I did something desperate...something most people I know are gonna hate - I filed for unemployment. I don't plan on staying on it forever, but the money they're sending me is going to be an immense help. Leonie gave me a severance (3 weeks pay). That plus my tax refund and unemployment should keep me afloat for a few months as long as I'm careful not to rock the boat with any unneccessary spending.

There are so few jobs out there right now - all the office administration type jobs that I could get have either been elminated and assimilated into other people's jobs or they barely pay minimum wage. I've been thinking a lot these days...and I've come to the conclusion that I've been so secure in my regular paycheck and safety net of a full-time job that I haven't had the time nor the gumption to really do anything with my talent. I've been fat and happy, content to rest on my laurels even if something inside me is longing for something more. I honestly see this turn of events as God kicking me out of the nest, so to speak. It's fly or fall at this point - do or die. Maybe that's what it's going to take to see me actually use my gifts to do something extraordinary. Maybe the fear of utter and complete failure can overcome my bizarre fear of success. I know one thing's for certain - I don't want another job. I don't want handouts from the government either. I want to find my niche - my place in the world. I want to use my talent for music and writing and creativity to build something that speaks to people. I want to become who I was meant to be.

So things are pretty scary right now. But they're also exciting...I feel like the world just opened up to me; like I can do anything now. I've been spending my time this past week cleaning house, organizing my life and thoughts...I like to think of it as spring cleaning; a fresh start. I'm going to be writing more. I've been wanting to write a novel for some time now...that or at least try to get one of my games published. I'm going to be performing out a lot more, either with the band or as a solo artist. It's high time I do something with myself. Maybe in 5 years time, I'll look back and realize that losing my job at Leonie was the best thing that ever happened to me. That or I'll look up from the gutter and wonder what went wrong. ;)