I have this weird thing...when late December/January rolls around, I always get ill with the same thing; scratchy throat, sinuses, headache...you know, typical symptoms of a cold. Only it's not a cold. It happens like clockwork every year about this time and I know several other people who have the same thing happen to them. Don't you give me that "cold and flu season" line...I think this has something to do with the barometric pressure change outside and it affects certain people like this. In any case, I felt bad yesterday and woke up feeling worse today so I took a sick day. Of course, my work doesn't believe that I'm actually sick when I call in because I, uh, abused the privelege a year or so ago (whatever, they're MY sick days I should be able to use them whenever I want to, right?). So I have the feeling that if I go in fine tomorrow, my boss will be like, "Mhm...you sure were sick, huh? Real debilitating illness you had there." Hence why today I haven't exactly focused on recovery...see, in some strange way that defeats the purpose. I have to be just a little sick tomorrow so they see I wasn't faking. Tricky, I know. But I'm a skilled slacker...I think I can pull this one off.
So in keeping with the spirit of remaining active while ill, I went to a meeting that my church had tonight regarding leadership for the South Bay service that just started up. I've been feeling more and more that I have less to contribute to this service since, you know, I don't actually live in the South Bay. I've been glad to help out getting the music program running, but the guy who's begun to take over is more than capable of handling things and more often than not, I feel like I'm getting in his way. See, he has this vision of a more groovy, relaxed, acoustic "beach vibe" kind of thing. Me, I'm all rock...which is a pretty contrasting vision of what music should be like in South Bay. I'm content to let him take over and all, but I just have this feeling that as I gradually fade from South Bay and the music there becomes more and more sustainable, I'll disappear from Mosaic completely. I haven't been playing at any of the other services because I've been focused on getting things started down south...so I'm just worried about going from leading worship to doing absolutely nothing. How does one voice an opinion like that to the powers that be...? Just go up to one of the leaders and say, "hey, I want to lead now. Is that cool?"
Eh, I suppose there's always something to strive for, right? Even after we find a place where we belong, there's something in the human heart that wants to want. If we ever achieved that place where we were completely satisfied, we would be unsatisfied because there's nothing left to reach after. So maybe I should just have some unreachable goals so I never have to worry about that. This is not one of them.
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August in Waiting
- Ordinary Extraordinary
- I'm a musician, writer, and artist living in a city they call The Angels. This blog is about my written works, my career, and my daily experiences here in a place I'll never belong to. I decided to start this blog because I have something to say. It may be insightful, it may be funny, it may be completely useless, but it will always be unapologetically real. I am sub-sonic and this is my blog. Touchdown.
3 comments:
That's pretty much exactly how I would tell them I am ready to lead. But, then, I AM a lion... and you're still wondering if you are, which shows that you are not. ;)
Actually, I'd phrase it more in a way that would emphasize that you're there to serve their needs. "If you need anyone to lead another campus, I'm available. Just throwing my hat in the ring." But, that's pretty typical of the way we communicate at the church where I work, and yours might be a totally different vibe. Only you can judge.
Too much wisdom about life and humanity may be disturbing and dangerous. Don't you think trying to analize why you want to want reach your goals takes away magic from them? Just want it, desire it, dream and try to take it. You can do anything, you're suprisingly beautiful.
Perhaps, for the moment, you should take your cue from the current series at church that you reminded me about. The verse for the series is: “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). Use this time that you're not leading to pray and listen to where God is leading you. Just be still for a bit and discover what he has in store for you.
That's not to say completely give up and not serve in any way. I just mean that while you're waiting to see what the next step for you is at Mosaic, use this time to really be still and listen.
Just a suggestion, though...of course. :)
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